The White Chocolate Peanut Butter Toffee Cookie of Death!


This cookie is delicious, and has me thinking. This Girl Scout Cookie was purchased from a girl scout who could barely displace her cell phone to finish the transaction. I enjoy irony more than most. However, the cookie reminds me of a poor, yet interesting analogy in regards to the creation hypothesis and the myth of Adam and Eve.

Even though millions of citizens believe this to be the reality of the genesis of man, it encompasses a flawed theme. Flaws and contradictions are the “special sauce” of any theology. Taste funny? Shh! Take a sip of faith and you’ll be fine. I will omit going into any detail about the plot of this story because in a sad and scary way, it’s common knowledge.

Still, believers continue to regurgitate the creation story as if I didn’t digest it the first few thousand times as a child. I find it even funnier that Creationists will substitute the apple for other foods, as if that will completely change any inch of my perception. But my favorite substitute for the apple is “The Mother and the Cookie.”

The Mother and the Cookie

Before going to work your mother bakes cookies and calls your attention. The smell of fresh cookies can only choke slam you into ecstasy. You notice an assortment of cookies, which only inspire the FAT KID in you. She specifically announces that you can have any cookie except for the white chocolate peanut butter toffee cookie. Now if this combination doesn’t inspire you, I don’t know what will.

MOTHER: “If you eat the white chocolate peanut butter toffee cookie, you will get SICK. Do I make myself clear?

Child: “Yes, ma’am.”

We are only to assume you know what your mother means by “sick.” Ranging from a mild headache and sneezing to a cold sore or even AIDS. Who knows what your mother is capable of? Keep in mind that Adam and Eve was the first inhabitants of Earth, so anyone who experience death would have to draw their conclusion after Adam and Eve because NO ONE HAS DIED. Imagine trying to digest the idea of death. Either the idea would literally “scare you to death” because of your ignorance or you would brush it off…because of your ignorance. But in this situation there is only one who can be properly accused and guilty of ignorance.

A few hours pass and your friend (Ben) comes over. He asks about the cookies and you swiftly repeat the specific instructions your mother aligned.  Ben is struck with confusion. He cannot understand why your mother would make cookies that would lead you to illness. Ben expresses how a loving mother who unconditionally loves their child would never create something to destroy their child…no matter how big or small. Ben isn’t a parent…he just has common sense and what we call morality. Ben knows the cookies will make you happy, but then again…Ben didn’t bake a cookie that could make you sick.

Due to the convincing argument, you’ve been convinced to eat the white chocolate peanut butter toffee cookie. Sure you were told not to…everyone can agree that consequences are important. However the questions still remains: “Why bake a cookie that would make me sick?” There are endless ways to execute discipline, but physical harm should be a last resort in an endless universe of options. But on top of that, physical harm in the sense of health is on a totally different dimension of ugly.

Many will argue that if only you rejected the white chocolate peanut butter toffee cookie, then you would be fine. There were plenty of cookies to eat, but you went against your mother and ate the cookie she told you not to. I agree with this, and I accept the responsibility. But mom…why would you make a cookie that would make me sick?

Mom is making cookies, and then she decides to make a special cookie. That if my son digests, after I tell him not too…he will surely be sick. So mom takes the time to not only make the special cookie, but poison it. A mother, who brought you into this world without your consent, is TESTING YOU. Not only is she testing you, but if you fail she will allow you to experience illness. Not only does she allow it, but she encourages it. How does she encourage it? She made the fucking cookie!  How do you go from mother to executioner? Maybe my conception of love is flawed.

I am not a parent.  But my mind can’t even paint a picture where I would want to do physical harm to anyone I know or a stranger for that matter. There are exceptions to this and sadly we see them on the news and online on a more than consistent basis….but ARE THEY GOD?